10.31.2005

Dream Tracker

Since I'm very good in dreaming these "pleasant" dreams, I might as well pen them down. I had another weird one last night.

In my dream..

The sky was dark, and the long road was congested with many many cars. A kind of terrible traffic jam, I would say. I was on the side of the road, my feet on the road, not the pavement. I walk and walk, ignoring those cars and the people in it. My path was carpeted with many many blades and it's only about two feet wide. I'm stuck between the pavement and the cars on the both of my sides, pavement on my left and cars on my right. I'm glad that the blades
did not cut my feet. I couldn't remember if I wore shoes. Ignoring the heat from the car engines and the constant honking of impatient drivers, I was picking up blades on the road. Those blades that we normally use to cut paper, but without the plastic body, only the cold metal blades. Along the road, there were many many blades. I picked up each thin blade, patiently, with my right hand, with my right thumb and index finger, don't know why and for what purpose. Then I placed them on my left palm, which was already holding some pieces of blades. Each time after I placed a newly picked up blade on top of other blades on my palm. I clenched my palm tightly, causing pain and drawing blood with each clench I made. The whole dream was just me picking up blades, clenching my palm to make blood drip, leaving a trail of blood behind while I continued my persuit on the never ending blade path. I couldn't remember how did it end.

Or maybe, like always, my dreams never had endings. It's just me alone persuing the never ending..

10.17.2005

Getting Dark..

Another day, another icy morning. When will it stop raining? My two blankets aren't even enough to keep me warm. I could send shivers to every part of my skin with just one slight brush of my icy palm against the surface of my skin. It seems that my holy grey sweater ain't as good as it was before.

Recently I've been having some terrible (or horrible is the better word? Can't decide..) dreams. For two nights in a row, I dreamed that I died. One on in a car crash and one from blood loss.. I guess (cuz the only thing that I saw was blood trickling down my nose when I looked into the mirror). Yeah, so much for the good nite, sweet dreams! I managed to pull myself out of the dream (don't ask how but that's what I do whenever I dreamt these horrible and dark dreams). I woke up panting, heart pumping like crazy and my good for nothing head was spinning! Anyway I was thankful for not waking my brother. As if that some divine forces knew that the two nights did scare the hell out of me, next night's dream got SLIGHTLY better. I didn't die, but I was driving my little yellow car on the highway and I ran over a dead body (forced a smile). Although I always dreamt of children killing each other (I had one where a little girl hang another child on the tree! Lasted for about a week or so), I'm not at all used to these horrible dreams. I always had this yeah-will-sleep-later-not-sleeping-yet-cuz-can't-sleep shitty lie that I told mostly to my parents and Bee Bee almost everynight. The truth was I'm afraid of going to sleep. Was it meant to be this way? I've been growing up listening to my mum, relatives and some god-know-how-8-women that my life is short. OK! Note taken! I'll die early if that's what they want me to know! But then, is my end really crawling in, inch by inch, this soon?

Didn't I torment myself enough already by not having some normal appetite for food (where all my friends, realtives, family and anyone who knew me are saying that I weigh too little). I know that my staple food - milk, is barely enough to keep me alive but heck i don't even feel like sucking that liquid into my mouth. But then again, thanks to Dutch Lady that came up with a new banana flavored milk recently, my staple food now tasted much better. I am actually relieved that I can still find bliss in food! And someone mentioned that eating is an art?

Endless school work and assignments and not forgeting my dissertation pile is inversely related to the amout of time that I have for completing them (Ya know how this relationship thingy work right? Where in an negative relationship, the increase in this will result in a dercrease in that). There's also some mean midterm tests filling in the most tiniest gap they can find in my schedule. Yeah, I'm living in a beautiful hell (err.. heaven, thank you dear lord! Don't strike me please.. Amen). Oh, mentioned that this is what I do to torture myself before? Sorry.. Count your blessings while you still can, pal!

10.03.2005

Aquaria

Bee Bee and I went to Aquaria at KL Convention Center today. It's beautiful. But it's not as interesting as the one in Langkawi, where they really have lots of species. I had fun anyway. Nothing much to say other than I took quite a lot of pictures. Awww.. they are all so cute! From the cute clown fishes to some giant fishes (dunno what they are called), I personally adore the lion fish. The black and white catfishes are way cool! Their color resemble some kind of cow. LOL. The tuna fishes are huge. From its tail to the mouth, its length is about 2 ft each. Wonders how many pieces of tuna sandwiches can be made using just one fish! Chuckles! And of course there are also quite a number of sharks. Mr. Sharky looked awesomely smart in his black and white tux! ^^